Kaboom

The only thing on my mind Friday morning at 9am was making sure my vacation request was coordinated with our friends vacation. At 3:30 pm, our little insulated world got blown apart by something that can only be seen under a microscope...... they are quite sure my husband has leukemia. I can barely type the word.
He had been "achey" I had been complaining because he was sitting around to much. Oh, the guilt....
He had seen Dr Hiestand the week before and gotten some antibiotics for a sinus infection. Everyone is telling me now that they thought he looked pale. Hindsight is 20/20 and I know now that he did. A piece of my mind had registered it, noted as I was rushing out the door.... By Friday, however, he looked like a ghost-we agreed he would call the doctor again....
I got the call as I was walking across the bridge into our hospital to see a patient. We agreed that my son would drive him to the hospital and I would meet them there. Family members were passing me on their way to the parking deck. I always watch faces, reading lines of dispair. It hit me..... I'm walking in as one of us- I'll be walking out as one of them.
I spoke with our family doctor on the phone. We all love him. I heard it in his voice, before I heard the numbers. He referred Dan to an oncologist, Dr Trehan. I was so very very grateful it was her.
We sat together-we cried. I don't have words for that time and space....Dan sent me home to check on the kids. Dr Trehan called me here and told me what tests she was ordering and went over the numbers again. I can hear the pain in her voice "I'm so sorry Sally"
I am so grateful that there was someone I could trust, who would also let herself feel. She took a piece of my burden and put it on her own back, as did Dr Hiestand, and Dr Hilyer who came in the next morning.
Each nurse that cared for him brought competance and concern. There wasn't any sugar coating, but there was compassion. We knew that they felt our pain. By Saturday- we could look at each other and say the word aloud. Leu-ke-me-a.
Bone marrow biopsy today. "They say" it will confirm the diagnosis. At the same time- right now there is still a thread of hope that it is not. I'm wrapping that thread around my finger and taking it along...