sorting through

I received a card yesterday that shook me up so much- I just need to write to enable myself to think it through....

It was a nice, generic card- but on the inside this person had written...."you know that God is so good that he will never let anything happen to you and Dan" and went on and on about leaning on my father....

It was like an axe cut through my brain, splitting it into 2 sides.... yes- God is good and yes I believe that...
On the other hand- obviously something bad, really bad is happening to me and Dan. They had told me at Cleveland Clinic to go ahead and contact Social Security and begin the process of qualifying for disability for him. I know from my nursing experience that takes forever and 2 days...... but they told me he had a "compassionate acts" diagnosis- and it would speed up the process. Obviously- if this is bad enough to speed up the Federal government- it is bad...

I think I have been living in a bit of denial..... and I think that's a healthy thing. I also think we have chosen to live in optimism and hope- knowing that this APL has a high cure rate and a cure is Indeed very possible. I do believe, with all my heart that there is a soverign God who knew this was coming. I believe that my instinct to seek joy- which started in Jan was from God..... I believe the fact that we put Dan on my insurance in Jan was from God...

The pressure in my brain is starting to lessen even as I type, even as I think this through...

God is a God of eternity- we are not made for time- we are made for eternity.

What I read in Isaiah yesterday comes back to me.....

A powerful God, a loving God..... not a fairy tale god.... A God who knows the beginning from the end.... a God who works with eternity in mind...... The God of the Psalms- where David cried out to Him from the depths of his anguish- and when David was honest with God- God answered him.... every time...

I think again of that old hymn.... "WHATEVER my lot- You have caused me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul"....

I feel better- thanks for giving me a place to sort through this.....