prayers

My beloved coach -Robin Chaddock- (google her- she's great!) asked me the other day- "how is your prayer life in the midst of this?"

I was absolutely stunned to realize that suddenly..... I don't have one....
I hadn't realized....

Funny too, because I have been in the car nonstop - and the car is often my communing place. I have prayed while driving back and forth to Cleveland- but not my normal conversational prayers. These have been the screaming prayers, the sobbing prayers, the bargaining prayers..
I put in a Casting Crowns CD one day- but turned it off abruptly and went back to my rock and roll (strange- cos I rarely listen to rock)

I've been mulling about this in my few "off" moments- There is a "should" in there- The little niggling of guilt.... but I toss it aside...... I'm learning that the "shoulds" are not much use.

Two things have occured to me- 1. God is an honest God..... The Psalms are full of rawness- David crying out to God. I love the 38th chapter of Job-where God is saying "were you there when I..........." this is who I am - this is who you are...... 2. This is what it means to have a body of believers.... I honestly honestly believe that I can actually feel the prayers that are going up in our behalf- that people are "standing in the gap" and praying for us when we cannot pray for ourselves.... I Feel it...

Natalie Grant has a song that is written for a couple who have lost their infant- it is so haunting- but it says "this is how it feels...... to be held...... when the sacred it torn....... and you've survived"
Held. Cradled in His hand..... He is God, we are not..... I can rest....