breathe

Well- nothing is normal. And nothing will be normal again.

Nothing.

I know that - in time- there will come a new kind of normal....

But- I wonder what one does in the meantime- in the netherland between what is and what willbe.....

It's a strange place to be in..... cloudy- no that's not it.... foggy maybe- fog swirling around..... not terribly uncomfortable but strange- like walking in a dream You can't see the next step- you know only to do the next thing..... totally dependent- like an infant- there is nothing to do but give it up to God...... there is nothing to do but let yourself be held..... at the same time..... life still going on- everyone is still involved in their own lives- and giving up big pieces of their own lives for ours.... dogs still need fed, kids still need up, the laundry still needs done.... Every decision seems to carry significant weight- like dominos- no- like a house of cards..... If I decide to go home, will this happen..... If my kids need me.....will this happen....

In the midst of it- people stop me and remind me to take care of myself..... to reground myself... what a blessing it is to have them..... this is a long road...... I think we are only at the first bend..
I can see no further than today- than this moment...... I take a deep breath....and another... third deeper yet.... I find gratitude.... another.... I find thankfulness.....another... I find faith...and another....