whining

well, may I just say it..... this sucks

there- I feel better.... a little

I can't find my checkbook. I never can, but there is no one here to blame. It seems wrong to call Dan in Cleveland Clinic and ask him what he did with the checkbook..... It rarely turns out to be his fault anyway- I'm usually the one who has stuck it in a pocket- but he can normally point me in the right direction.

I always knew I didn't want to be a single parent- and I was right! There has been nothing wrong with the boys..... It just feels like a boat load of responsibility. There didn't seem to be any point in setting the table tonight- but it felt wrong to sit around with plates on our laps...

I stayed home today- didn't go to see Dan. It's what he told me to do.... to get some rest.... It's 174 miles round trip- 4 hours in the car- It seemed like the logical thing to do- and I think it was the right thing to do.....the boys need some normalacy - I do too..... I just kept calling him all day...

I know we are in this for the long haul, and I have to pace myself. I wonder how many times I've heard myself say that to a weary caregiver. "Put your own oxygen mask on first" How many times has that come out of my mouth? I'm beginning to see why it's such difficult advice to follow....

On the brighter side- we certainly have found out what great friends we have. One of them came here the other night and took my house key- she's planning to come here and clean tomorrow. It might be the end of a wonderful friendship! I hope she knows what she is getting into! I told my brother that- half laughing, half crying. He laughed so hard I was sure he was going to wreck the car. "You're screwed" he said..... He knows me to well..... There is nothing like a brother. He had no sympathy when I told him I had gotten up at 5am to clean before she came to clean- he just laughed all the harder....
Others have brought food-people keep texting and calling. Every time I feel like I can't go another step - there is someone checking in on me to remind me that they care.... I think really-nothing else really matters

So- I've whined- and I feel better. Think I'll go to bed early so I can get up and find the check book.... and maybe clean a little too