He's a nice kid- he's here alot....I've spotted my house key on his ring..... leaving for college in 10 days, he tells me.... and I feel like one of my own is going off into the world...... He's 18, I know- but how can his mother not know where he is? Is she lying awake - worrying?
My own brood is home- one asleep in anticipation of an early golf game- one home from working his afternoon shift..... Come Sept 20 one will leave- and my house will be very very quiet.... I try not to think about that...
Had an interesting conversation with some folks recently- lovely lovely family. The children there are all adults and leading lives of their own, gathered once again under their father's roof..... waiting, waiting for him to die....
They love him so much- he has obviously raised them well. They are book people- my favorite kind- but they have read it all. The conversation today centered on their fears - he still talks about getting better..... he hasn't said the word DIE Why is it he can't get to that place?????? What if What if....
We had a long talk.... dad's body is going to do what it is going to do, no matter what. Dad may not do things according to their script..... ultimately... it will all work out the way it is supposed to...
The long talk distilled and wove it's way around to this: (mixed metaphors) What will be will be. The goal here is for dad to be comfortable and to enjoy each day as much as possible. We don't know what the day will bring- we need to just relax, sink into it and appreciate it for what it is...it is precious time....
sometime, in the near future, they will be looking back on this brief period as a halcyon time.....
(and as my boys leave - so will I)
I wonder, as I often do, if it is possible to actually live like that......every day...... to be so sunk in, so surrendered, that one can just live without trying so hard.....without the endless struggles to control....
Wonder if one could live as if they were floating..... completely relaxed, on top of the water, knowing what is under them has the potential to be dangerous, but secure enough to rest,,,
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You will find after a time that it becomes easier to accept the fact that your children are leaving the nest. It hurts like all get out, and yes, you will cry. I still do every time they go back home or back to school. You love them, pour your life into them, and they have the audacity to grow up! But be that as it may, it is the way it is supposed to be. Life is so difficult and filled with hard places. God will give the grace, as always. You have been a good mom, just know that when you train up a child...
ReplyDeleteand wow- aren't we grateful for that grace...
ReplyDeleteit is going to be awfully quiet here in a few short weeks- but I know you are right in what you say....
thanks, friend...