Wednesday, March 31, 2010


If I should die before I wake..... I would die a happy, content woman....

It has been such a lovely day. We left this afternoon to go to my favorite "thin place"- my grandfather's farm- where time seems to have stood still. It is the same road, the same trees, the same beautiful huge rocks where we used to play as children. The outbuildings are the same- and when I step into the barn I can almost hear my grandfather's voice.

Dan and I took a lovely looong walk, following a trail down into the woods, seeing wild turkey and hearing.... NOTHING.... I think that is one reason I love the place so. The silence there is palpable. On a summer day, you can hear a bee that is buzzing. Deep in the words, you can hear the distant sound of a tractor chugging down the road. The only drawback to the walk was when we turned around and realized what goes down must go up..and up.... and so up we went. One step in front of the other.

The farm is a beautiful place, but that, I'm sure, is not the reason I love it so. I love it because it was there that I was first loved. Completely. Unconditionally. Totally accepted for whatever I might be. There is nothing like a grandparent, and when I turn on that road, I can feel their love surround me.

We stopped to visit with a favorite cousin- and a favorite aunt and uncle. I love those simple conversations, where past, present and future all intertwine.

As we talked, I realized that a year ago on this date, my husband had been lying in the hospital, pale, wan and hairless. We were dealing with infections, cardiac arrhythmias and facing months of chemotherapy. A year later, we spend the day hiking. Truly, God is good.

Our day was made complete by a holy week service tonight comprised of only candlelight, music, scripture, prayer and silence. There is a peace in my heart and my head that has been eluding me for months.

I am wishing for each of you that you find peace in the midst of this hectic week. That there is a time or a place where you can stop what you are doing and be still. That you can take a moment to connect to the One who made you and who loves you just as your are- completely, outrageously and unconditionally

Have a blessed Easter

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