maybe

I'm not sure about this New Year's Resolution business this year. I normally make and break at least one in January. This year, I think, I feel a bit to weary to resolve to do anything- maybe...

I was talking with a couple friends at breakfast yesterday- and we decided in 2009, to resolve to have more fun. We tend to be a rather serious little group- maybe that's the very best thing for us to do!

I sat down last night with a pad of paper and my favorite pen. I decided to list all the good things that had happened in 2008. I was surprised to find out how many there actually were. Some required intentionality on my part- but most seemed to be a mixture- serindipity followed by action.

Here's the thing that I keep realizing- over and over... I don't understand how much God loves me.
I know that God Is. I know that God Loves. I know there is a God I can trust- I know there is a God that guides me. But to understand "how wide and how deep" He loves me- that I just don't get.

And here's the thing..... if I really believed that His plans are to "Prosper and not to harm"me, if I really believed- with my whole heart- that He loves me in the way that He says He does- well- what would I do with that? I think I would take more chances. I think I would try more things.

I'm not sure how to do this..... I think it has to do with going to the places where I find God- but I suspect it has more to do with opening my bible and not just reading it but marinating in it- reflecting on it- using all my senses to try and understand it..... I think it has to do with taking time to be still and get very quiet and just listen... Maybe it has to do with saying it "out loud" on the pages of this blog- that my intention this year is to discover and to live in the love that God has for me? maybe....