Christmas

We cut back on Christmas this year. Way back. A month ago, I was fretting about that decision. Wondering if Christmas would be lackluster and depressing, worrying that the boys would be disguntled and moody. Teenagers can be, you know.

I'm rather amazed at the way this has evolved. Christmas feels peaceful this year. I remember in years past, searching for that feeling- waiting for it- knowing that at some point I would "feel Christmasy". I wonder what it is we are really yearning for?

We went ahead and got a tree yesterday. I wasn't sure I even wanted to do that, live trees are expensive, but we did. In the midst of clearing out the room to set up the tree, we found a box full of tapes- family memories. I hadn't seen those for a long time.

And so, we put up the tree and laughed at the memories on the screen. We remembered things we haven't thought of for a long time. Everyone went to bed feeling loved, wanted and a part of something bigger than themselves.

Sitting here in the still quiet house, with just the lights of the tree and the computer screen, I feel that contentment I often seek. Maybe that is what Christmas is all about- knowing that we are part of something bigger than just ourselves.