The wedding was beautiful.... perfect even...
Spent Father's Day at brother Bill's house- how they managed to pull off a Father's Day get together the day after the wedding is beyond me- but it was a lovely day. Weather was perfect- kids all had a great time splashing and reconnecting. Lost of good visiting....
Great to see my nephew Mike- with his lovely wife and adorable toddler home from California. Seems like just yesterday Mike was the toddler! It's official- I'm old!
Dan and Nate left for camp Sunday morning- so they missed the Father's Day festivities- think they are enjoying camp enough to make up for that however.... They always have a great time...
The boys pooled their resources to take Dan to an Indians game the Sunday before- so all in all, he should have had a great dad's day this year..
The patriarchs in our family are looking old- that is hard to see....
It is the middle of the night and I am just rambling- so back to bed! I've discovered Facebook- which seems to be a dangerous time waster! but entertaining!
Night!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Today is my nephew Mark's wedding day....
In an hour we will gather at the church, to watch Mark and Nicole promise their lives to each other.... Their eyes will glowing- she will be beautiful- he will be beaming....
It has been storming the last couple days- winds and rains, branches falling to the ground.... Suddenly, it seems that the sun has broken through and is shining just for them....
It was that way on our wedding day 20 years ago...
Mark entered the world happy and content. It seems he has never changed... Nicole seems to share his outlook.....
I hope that as they go through life- though the storms will rage around them- that they will find lasting peace and contentment with each other...
In an hour we will gather at the church, to watch Mark and Nicole promise their lives to each other.... Their eyes will glowing- she will be beautiful- he will be beaming....
It has been storming the last couple days- winds and rains, branches falling to the ground.... Suddenly, it seems that the sun has broken through and is shining just for them....
It was that way on our wedding day 20 years ago...
Mark entered the world happy and content. It seems he has never changed... Nicole seems to share his outlook.....
I hope that as they go through life- though the storms will rage around them- that they will find lasting peace and contentment with each other...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
celebrate...
There definitely is something healthy about finding a place to dump the junk and celebrate what is good....
I have been dumping some junk here on the pages of this blog- but I am noticing that I am walking in this world with a sense of freedom that I haven't experienced for awhile....
It feels good not to hold everything inside....
It feels good to be mindful.....
Hospice has felt very heavy these last few months- while trying to deal with all that we are dealing with here..
Yesterday I was able to find some moments that made me remember what I love- an elderly lady with the softest hands and the bluest eyes. She kept my hand between hers and stroked it while she talked. She told me about traveling to this country from Scotland on a boat when she was 5 years old- told me about her daddy and how he worked in a coal mine to bring each of his children- one by one- to this country. Her eyes changed as she talked- I could see reflected there the love of her father....
Hours later I sat in a room laughing and crying as a grandmother told me of her frustration- she and her granddaughter have made plans to get matching tatoos..... The girl's father finally consented- and now grandma is not up to the adventure.... The granddaughter assured her that she was going to carry out the scheme and get the tattoo they had planned- so she will always have a piece of grandma with her....
What is it that binds us together with those we love? It is not something that can be seen..... It is more than a feeling..... but whatever it is- it is here long after we are gone....
Today feels like a perfect June day... the air is cool this morning, the sun is rising with promise. The birds are singing and outside my window, pink roses bloom.
There are boys in the beds and on the couches. In a few short years, I imagine those beds and those couches will be empty- it is good to know that the memories will live on....
I have been dumping some junk here on the pages of this blog- but I am noticing that I am walking in this world with a sense of freedom that I haven't experienced for awhile....
It feels good not to hold everything inside....
It feels good to be mindful.....
Hospice has felt very heavy these last few months- while trying to deal with all that we are dealing with here..
Yesterday I was able to find some moments that made me remember what I love- an elderly lady with the softest hands and the bluest eyes. She kept my hand between hers and stroked it while she talked. She told me about traveling to this country from Scotland on a boat when she was 5 years old- told me about her daddy and how he worked in a coal mine to bring each of his children- one by one- to this country. Her eyes changed as she talked- I could see reflected there the love of her father....
Hours later I sat in a room laughing and crying as a grandmother told me of her frustration- she and her granddaughter have made plans to get matching tatoos..... The girl's father finally consented- and now grandma is not up to the adventure.... The granddaughter assured her that she was going to carry out the scheme and get the tattoo they had planned- so she will always have a piece of grandma with her....
What is it that binds us together with those we love? It is not something that can be seen..... It is more than a feeling..... but whatever it is- it is here long after we are gone....
Today feels like a perfect June day... the air is cool this morning, the sun is rising with promise. The birds are singing and outside my window, pink roses bloom.
There are boys in the beds and on the couches. In a few short years, I imagine those beds and those couches will be empty- it is good to know that the memories will live on....
Friday, June 5, 2009
nothings
I seem to be consumed with an unending sense of loss right now..... thankfully all of these losses are "small"- relatively speaking
Someone came to the office yesterday to leave a donation in memory of his wife.... his loss is huge and clearly visable
Palpable...
Still- a loss is a loss and needs to be dealt with.....
Feels like it would be easy to slip into bitter, angry, frustrated thinking.... that is where my mind tends to go.... mulling over the what ifs and could have beens. It is very easy to get stuck there.
I think that is why I write- though sometimes I feel like a freaking pollyanna..... but it is something that can change my mindset.....
Paul talks about forgetting what is behind and pressing forward toward what is ahead... Jim Collins talks about the Stockdale principle- an unending certainty that one will prevail..... Obama talked about the audacity of hope..... I've never read the book, but I like the title.....
I suppose to press forward toward what is ahead, one needs to have a vision of where one wants to be...
I can't sit here staring at a screen- I must go to work....
it seems silly to post this- but I guess I will....
Someone came to the office yesterday to leave a donation in memory of his wife.... his loss is huge and clearly visable
Palpable...
Still- a loss is a loss and needs to be dealt with.....
Feels like it would be easy to slip into bitter, angry, frustrated thinking.... that is where my mind tends to go.... mulling over the what ifs and could have beens. It is very easy to get stuck there.
I think that is why I write- though sometimes I feel like a freaking pollyanna..... but it is something that can change my mindset.....
Paul talks about forgetting what is behind and pressing forward toward what is ahead... Jim Collins talks about the Stockdale principle- an unending certainty that one will prevail..... Obama talked about the audacity of hope..... I've never read the book, but I like the title.....
I suppose to press forward toward what is ahead, one needs to have a vision of where one wants to be...
I can't sit here staring at a screen- I must go to work....
it seems silly to post this- but I guess I will....
Monday, June 1, 2009
this and that
Got up and walked this morning just as the sky was beginnning to show the light of day and the birds were waking up from their nests.
Always one of my favorite things to do and I would like to say I enjoyed it- but truthfully, I hurt in every fiber of my being...... feel like I spent the winter on the rack in the Tower of London...
Every part of me feels twisted into knots...... isn't it amazing how our insides affect our outsides...
Hopefully the knots will loosen as we move into the warm healing days of summer....
My mom had 2 cousins that were more like sisters. (Our family tree has branches in the mountains of W Va!) Mary Margaret and Mary Emma. I could never, for the life of me, remember which one was which.
I took my mom to see them in January. We spent an afternoon with old pictures, old letters, old recipies, old memories. It was a good day.
Mary ( I'm pretty sure it is Emma ) was diagnosed with AML in late March or early April. She passed away on Saturday. I am sad for my mom and sad for her family....... and it boggles my mind to think that we sat there on that Saturday afternoon, mulling over the old memories with no idea that both our lives would be torn unsunder by those same 3 letters.... Somehow I have the notion that we both walked through the same minefield and while my family is crawling out on the other side- hers took a direct hit....
Mary's daughter used the Caring Bridge website and reminded us all in her last posting to be good to the ones we love. Isn't it funny how it always takes something like that to remind us- and funny how quickly we forget....
I must get ready for work...... Walking makes me want to write, and writing makes me want to read. Thomas Lynch says that writing and reading are really just 2 sides of the same conversation....
I read Katherine Hepburn's memoirs over the weekend- and now I see that I have her "voice" in my head.... disjointed thoughts, scraps of this and that, woven together like a patchwork quilt....
Always one of my favorite things to do and I would like to say I enjoyed it- but truthfully, I hurt in every fiber of my being...... feel like I spent the winter on the rack in the Tower of London...
Every part of me feels twisted into knots...... isn't it amazing how our insides affect our outsides...
Hopefully the knots will loosen as we move into the warm healing days of summer....
My mom had 2 cousins that were more like sisters. (Our family tree has branches in the mountains of W Va!) Mary Margaret and Mary Emma. I could never, for the life of me, remember which one was which.
I took my mom to see them in January. We spent an afternoon with old pictures, old letters, old recipies, old memories. It was a good day.
Mary ( I'm pretty sure it is Emma ) was diagnosed with AML in late March or early April. She passed away on Saturday. I am sad for my mom and sad for her family....... and it boggles my mind to think that we sat there on that Saturday afternoon, mulling over the old memories with no idea that both our lives would be torn unsunder by those same 3 letters.... Somehow I have the notion that we both walked through the same minefield and while my family is crawling out on the other side- hers took a direct hit....
Mary's daughter used the Caring Bridge website and reminded us all in her last posting to be good to the ones we love. Isn't it funny how it always takes something like that to remind us- and funny how quickly we forget....
I must get ready for work...... Walking makes me want to write, and writing makes me want to read. Thomas Lynch says that writing and reading are really just 2 sides of the same conversation....
I read Katherine Hepburn's memoirs over the weekend- and now I see that I have her "voice" in my head.... disjointed thoughts, scraps of this and that, woven together like a patchwork quilt....
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
graduation
wow- what a great weekend we had....
Alex graduated from High School on Friday evening. Yeah Alex....
We had spent quite a bit of time looking at old pictures and collecting his memorabila... and as I sat in the bleachers and watched his class assemble, as I found his face in the crowd- those pictures seemed to tumble through my mind....
He has been strong willed from the time he was born- and it seems that God knew what he was doing when He gave Alex that strong will- because he certainly has had alot to overcome. I remember all the years of elementary school, when we coped with a son who could not read- but was bright enough to fool all his teachers until 3rd grade. That year, the work became less verbal and more written. Until then it seemed that I was the only one concerned.... "he's such a nice boy" "he'll be ok, MOM" I'm sure they thought I was nuts. Thank God for Mrs Samsa- his third grade teacher- who recognized not just his difficulties but his strengths...... Thank God for her example- her patience- her tutoring summer after endless summer. Thank God for Amy Harris who finally diagnosed his disorder and tutored him so patiently- thank God for Dr Grant and vision therapy. When the diagnosis of juvenile diabetes came just before his 4th grade year, it seemed overwhelming- to much- something we could never get through. I was so full of fears- afraid to let him go off by himself, constantly afraid of what might happen. Thank God for the wonderful people around us who reminded me that I had to cut the cord- had to let him make his own mistakes- had to let him find his own way- had to trust that God would watch out for him. It took everything I had in me to let him go off on a field trip on his own! and I thought those years would never end.....
But they did- and Alex- who is an overcomer- managed to survive middle school and find a place where he could not only survive but thrive. I am so proud of him for actually planning to go off to school next year. He has always had an instinct for what he needs and what he wants to do.
It's been a rough ride- but it feels so good to have made it....
His party felt like such a celebration.... We held it in the Dover First Moravian Church. There was a time when Alex declared he would never set foot in that church again - as a freshman in high school. We set him free- told him to find his own church- and he did. He found New Pointe. What a blessing both churches have been. I think he found himself at New Pointe- found a way to worship and connect to God. The High School Ministries have been such a blessing- the mission trips- the sports events- the worship.... And now, here we are back full circle...... Our wonderful friends at the Moravian Church circled around us, taking all the stress of a party off of us. The food was wonderful, the decorations were great- and best of all were the people- all the family and friends who came and stayed and celebrated with us..... Alex was relaxed and happy - had a great time..... and oddly enough has offered to usher and work in the nursery at the Moravian church this summer.
Isn't it funny how life circles around and around- and often times, you end up right back where you started- only fuller, richer and with more understanding than when you left....
I can't wait to see where life takes my strong willed son...... I thank God now for his strength.... and I hope that where ever he goes- where ever life takes him- that he ends up right where he belongs.....
Alex graduated from High School on Friday evening. Yeah Alex....
We had spent quite a bit of time looking at old pictures and collecting his memorabila... and as I sat in the bleachers and watched his class assemble, as I found his face in the crowd- those pictures seemed to tumble through my mind....
He has been strong willed from the time he was born- and it seems that God knew what he was doing when He gave Alex that strong will- because he certainly has had alot to overcome. I remember all the years of elementary school, when we coped with a son who could not read- but was bright enough to fool all his teachers until 3rd grade. That year, the work became less verbal and more written. Until then it seemed that I was the only one concerned.... "he's such a nice boy" "he'll be ok, MOM" I'm sure they thought I was nuts. Thank God for Mrs Samsa- his third grade teacher- who recognized not just his difficulties but his strengths...... Thank God for her example- her patience- her tutoring summer after endless summer. Thank God for Amy Harris who finally diagnosed his disorder and tutored him so patiently- thank God for Dr Grant and vision therapy. When the diagnosis of juvenile diabetes came just before his 4th grade year, it seemed overwhelming- to much- something we could never get through. I was so full of fears- afraid to let him go off by himself, constantly afraid of what might happen. Thank God for the wonderful people around us who reminded me that I had to cut the cord- had to let him make his own mistakes- had to let him find his own way- had to trust that God would watch out for him. It took everything I had in me to let him go off on a field trip on his own! and I thought those years would never end.....
But they did- and Alex- who is an overcomer- managed to survive middle school and find a place where he could not only survive but thrive. I am so proud of him for actually planning to go off to school next year. He has always had an instinct for what he needs and what he wants to do.
It's been a rough ride- but it feels so good to have made it....
His party felt like such a celebration.... We held it in the Dover First Moravian Church. There was a time when Alex declared he would never set foot in that church again - as a freshman in high school. We set him free- told him to find his own church- and he did. He found New Pointe. What a blessing both churches have been. I think he found himself at New Pointe- found a way to worship and connect to God. The High School Ministries have been such a blessing- the mission trips- the sports events- the worship.... And now, here we are back full circle...... Our wonderful friends at the Moravian Church circled around us, taking all the stress of a party off of us. The food was wonderful, the decorations were great- and best of all were the people- all the family and friends who came and stayed and celebrated with us..... Alex was relaxed and happy - had a great time..... and oddly enough has offered to usher and work in the nursery at the Moravian church this summer.
Isn't it funny how life circles around and around- and often times, you end up right back where you started- only fuller, richer and with more understanding than when you left....
I can't wait to see where life takes my strong willed son...... I thank God now for his strength.... and I hope that where ever he goes- where ever life takes him- that he ends up right where he belongs.....
Saturday, May 16, 2009
habits- or lack thereof
Haven't blogged in quite a while- I stopped in to catch up on Becki Reiser's life- wow girl! you have alot going on....
anyway- decided I'd better post just to get back in the habit...
amazing how quickly things slip away if we don't keep up on them...
I'm delighted to say that I have nothing to say! Dan is home (again) after a brief stay in the hospital and feeling well.... boys are great.... graduation is next week (so I'm sobbing) and I'm just trying to catch up on email and life in general....
Now that I have re- established myself as a blogger- I'll be back soon....
anyway- decided I'd better post just to get back in the habit...
amazing how quickly things slip away if we don't keep up on them...
I'm delighted to say that I have nothing to say! Dan is home (again) after a brief stay in the hospital and feeling well.... boys are great.... graduation is next week (so I'm sobbing) and I'm just trying to catch up on email and life in general....
Now that I have re- established myself as a blogger- I'll be back soon....
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